how dare you?

i am no plaything.


_____________________________________


December 27, 2006. i know a few things about a few things. and maybe that is why i can believe that the only reason i know i love is because i feel it simply, so strongly that i could split; and so there we are, my lips on your shoulder and your fingertips holding my heart together, and I will leave and you will go the other direction but we will both think in late evening of twisted fingers in a room that has never been blue.

"don't be a bore," she said lightly, and laughed carelessly. "your self-righteousness has no foothold here." he knew that she phrased all her pleasures as demands when her heart trembled and doubted, and they both knew she'd only seem even more pathetic. she could never pull off an appealing "fuck-it-all" attitude. she'd demonstrated too many times her need for approval and acceptance; he wasn't the only to have seen the criss-crossed scars, and he hated her for accepting pity as a last resort for approval.

January 3, 2007. i've an optimist's sense of humour and a pessimist's expectations. you won't have to kill me too many times before i die; one of these days, i'll bleed enough disappointment to drown in it.